Ubriaco al Prosecco, Want Some Cheese With That Wine??

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha.
Well that's all for today. Just the title.

What's that you say? I'm days behind in posting and you want a legitimate post with something cheese related and not just bad wordplay?
Fine.

As the dedicated reader of the Functioning Cheese Addict will already know, the world of cheese is full of alcohol-infused curds and this blogger is all about reviewing them. Some time ago I reviewed an Italian delight called Ubriacone, and today we have a similar and yet totally different offering. Although the first part of the name still refers to the drunken nature (see the linked post for a short but practical lesson in Italian), the differentiating factor is also right there in the title. Unlike the usual red wine cheeses, this little guy calls on the power of prosecco. What you get is Ubriaco al Prosecco and, just like that really friendly guy sitting next to you on the bus, it may have had one too many. [Insert cheese affinage-age related alcohol joke here] 

Origin: Italy
Milk: Cow, unpasteurized
Rennet: Animal
Affinage: Less than one year
Notes: Immersed in Prosecco wine and then covered in prosecco grape must. This cheese likes wine like it's water and the well's running dry.
Thoughts: This unassuming-looking cheese is a surprise in many ways. Much softer than it looks, it has the casein crunch of an aged cheese. The real kick, though, is in the flavor. The aroma gives a hint of the experience to come, but even it cannot warn of the wine assault that follows Truly this is not a grape-y cheese like Ubriacone, this is a drunk cheese. The flavor hits your mouth even where the cheese does not and bites at your tongue, stings the nostrils, and lingers with the flavor of raw and white wine mixing angrily together. Yes it is an angry mix of flavors, but angry like a thunderstorm; it all comes together in a perfect cacophony of notes and if it fell from the sky and hit you it'd probably be curtains. That's life, though.



If all my friends and family are right and cheese is what finally gets the better of me, it had sure as shooting better be like that. None of this LDL nonsense, what you know about a clean bill of health?

Porter Cheddar, They Already Paired it For You

Once again we come to a "drunk cheese", but for this one the creators took the whole process one step further. Not finding it enough to simply make a cheese and then immerse that cheese in alcohol, the makers of Cahill's Porter Cheddar took it upon themselves to add even more beer. And thank goodness they did. In fact they decided it'd be a good idea to include layers of Guinness porter inbetween the layers of curd. The result is pretty intense, and while it may not be a favorite it's certainly a novel flavor and one that will always get the attention of your party-goers.

Origin: Ireland
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Rennet: Vegetable
Affinage: 6-8 months, I'd guess
Notes: Guinness is pretty delicious stuff any way you slice it. Sure it's not the best porter in the world, probably not even the best Irish beer, but it's reliable and you can find it everywhere. Even in cheese. Here it has the added value of not actually having any discernible alcohol content, so eat to your heart's content and then drive home happy and sober.

Thoughts: A very meaty flavor, where both the cheddar and beer flavors mix comfortably without one crowding the other out. Tangy and distinct, the flavor of the beer really comes on strong and is unmistakable but the cheddar also has a strong enough kick to compete. This particular cheese is a victim of the short time high temp pasteruziation method (booooo) but to be honest it's such a hearty and heavily altered-flavor cheese that you'd be hard-pressed to detect any nuance in the milk beneath the salt and beer anyways. 

Let's see here what else....... It won't get you drunk, at least not before you become physically sick by eating a wheel or two (think many many pounds of cheese) because this cheese is, well, a little heavy. In the end this cheese does not make my favorite list because, well, it's just a little over the top. The beer flavor comes across so strong that, while you can still taste the sharp tang of cheese, you certainly couldn't tell if that cheese had any quality in the first place, and once the novelty of a beer-and-cheddar flavor wears off you don't find yourself craving it, or at least I don't. It's a great snacking cheese and certain to turn heads given its beautiful marbled look, but lacks character or depth.   

Caution

If you are underage and eat lots of these "drunk" cheeses and make alcohol jokes, your head will explode. If you are of age and eat lots of these "drunk" cheeses and make alcohol jokes, your head will explode. 

Ubriacone, the Great Big Drunk

It's always nice when my love of foreign languages overlaps with my first love, Cheese. The only catch is that I end up knowing how to say "cow, sheep, goat, young, old, raw, pasteurized, and drunk" in every language, and that's about it. As it turns out there's not a whole lot of casual conversation to be made out of those eight words. There just aren't any good combinations.
In any case today's creative title gives both the Italian and the rough translation, alternatively just drunkard, for another delectable sheep cheese; Ubriacone. There are a number of Italian "drunk" cheeses that carry similar names, but this one is certainly one of the flashier examples thanks to its creative preparation. Standard procedure for wine-accented cheeses is to be washed or at most cured during the aging process, but the makers of Ubriacone needed more than this; new concepts, new tools, even more wine. By piercing the disks with needles during the wine-bathing process they increased the surface area soaked with wine and also solved the pesky problem of a cheese only really tasting like the wine near the rind. The holes created by the needles permeate the cheese, as seen in the cross section below, and distribute the essence of the wine evenly throughout paste

Origin: Veneto, Italy
Milk: Cow, pasteurized 
Rennet: Animal
Affinage: 6-8 Months
Notes: This cheese has everything: an oily paste, bright purple colors, and what's that? Dopplewilton. You know, it's that thing where two kinds of wine must are inserted into the holes left by the Stilton-esque needles.
Thoughts: It might seem as though so diminutive a slice of cheese would not be enough to really appreciate the flavor, but fortunately Ubriacone cheese shoots flavor like this guy shoots dialogue-based cult classic fodder. The main tone of the cheese is not actually overly "drunk" at all, indeed the initial flavor is that of a solid but otherwise run-of-the-mill sheep's milk cheese: salty, earthy, and characterized by a rich oiliness throughout. Only partway through the taste does the effect of the wine treatment show up, with sweet and very fruity notes coming through and holding their spot at the top on into the aftertaste.  The two competing flavor groups both shine at their respective moments and generally highlight what a versatile thing cheese can be. Truth be told "drunk" isn't the most appropriate term for the cheese as the distinct flavor of wine comes through only very slightly, "tipsy" is really as far Ubriacone goes. Maybe it shouldn't drive home, but it's definitely not ordering bulk pet food on amazon or writing embarrassing emails to old flings. That would just be ridiculous, cheeses can't even have pets. The texture throughout is a little dry but the oily and salty tones make for a cheese that is still a complete experience, and when that glass of Merlot in your hand just isn't enough you can always take a bite of just rind and really cut loose. 


Caution
As it turns out a street version of Heroin is commonly referred to as 'Cheese'. I do not condone this variety of addiction, nor should you attempt to purchase curdled milk comestibles from untrustworthy sources.

Goat Cheese and other Exciting Things

So here's the thing.
As it stands I've got enough cheeses already documented to post 4 or 5 a week for the next 9 months, but what fun would that be when we could have a cheese a day for 6 months! Yes yes I know this sounds too good to be true and, depending on my schoolwork over the next few months, it may just be. Still it's worth a shot, so starting Monday you'll be getting your dose of cheesy goodness daily and, as ever, with a smile. More fun news to follow, but you're not here for chit-chatting, jabberjawing, or chin wagging, you're here for cheese.

I've avoided themes thus far because, around the tenth or so "France" themed post for example,  there would eventually be some grumbling among the crowd (however small that crowd may be). I made it a whole four posts before caving, here's to willpower. The truth is I adore goat cheese. It's the closest to a favorite type of cheese that I have and, fortunately for myself and my fellow capercaseophiles, there is an absolute wealth of choices out there. Some better than others, here continues my guided tour of the wide world of goat cheese.

We begin with a selection that the casual goat cheese enthusiast will likely recognize and which is at home on any cheese plate: The Drunken Goat. Hailing from the town of Jumilla in the Murcia region of Spain, this is effectively the gateway drug into the world of wine-bathed cheese.

Origin: Murcia, Spain
Milk: Goat, pasteurized
Rennet: Animal enzyme
Affinage: 75 days
Notes: Soaked in Doble Pasta red wine for 48-72 hours. The cheese, that is. The goat just had a glass. This cheese is also name-protected under Spanish law.
Thoughts: The bone-white, semi-firm paste that is so characteristic of aged goat cheeses is enticing enough, but just upon unwrapping this treat it becomes clear that the vino-bath paid off. The aroma, while not overwhelming, is pronounced and, combined with the purple/brownish coloring that covers the rind and seeps ever so faintly into the paste, will make you start to wonder what else could be improved with 3 days curing in wine. Truth be told the cheese itself is a fairly average, if respectable, example of slightly aged goat cheese. The flavor remains mild from start to finish and the usually pronounced "tang"of the goat's milk is hardly noticeable at all. The texture is well balanced and creamy enough to somewhat make up for the understated flavor but I would trade a drier texture for a sharper flavor. The natural sweetness of the goat's milk does, however, compliment the sweet and fruity tones imparted by the wine bath, leaving you with a cheese that serves as a wonderful introduction to the subgroup of "drunken" cheeses. There are others, such as Irish porter and whiskey cheddars and Italian Ubriacos, but these tend to sour the less adventurous sampler with their intensity. Don't dismay, they're coming.

Drunken Goat gets seven arbitrary units of measurement out of ten, but this next cheese needs no introduction. Rather it deserves no introduction.
Landana Mild Goat

Origin: Netherlands
Milk: Goat, pasteurized
Rennet: Think the drummer from the Muppets
Affinage: 6-8 Weeks
Notes: Unmistakably cheese.
Yessir.
Thoughts: The sad truth is that there just isn't a whole lot to say about this cheese. I recall it was one of the first cheeses I recorded and photographed, distinguished by my short-lived habit of photographing the label along with the cheese, and I remember being generally disappointed to then find myself with sizable block of forgettable cheese. This was back when I was a cheese fiend sans employment, and when the checks aren't coming you can't afford to throw money away on sub-par Käse. The flavor is beyond mild, the only marginally noticeable characteristic being a hint of sweetness. The texture and creaminess would be suitable if there was any flavor to discern, but this the celery of goat cheeses, you'd die of boredom before it filled you up. My advice? Either find some bread and jelly or skip the middleman and just eat the peanut butter off the spoon. Maybe that's a bit harsh, and if you happen to find the black wax label 10 month aged Landana Goat Old do let me know what you think, but there just aren't any redeeming qualities to this cheese. There are lessons to be learned from this:
1) Not all that is imported is made of gold, the Europeans get it wrong too, and
2) Young goat Gouda is no better than young cow Gouda, they both belong on sandwiches not serving platters.

Don't worry, today's third cheese is a standalone rockstar and more than makes up for Landana's lack of character and flavor, but first some more news. The astute Sherlock Holmesian (Dr. Houseian?) reader will notice a new addition on the sidebar; some difficult to read and overly flowery text (I really must fire the intern responsible for all these run-on sentences of late). Directly below that paragraph there is a link to what may be simultaneously the most laughable and most telling sign of my addiction: my quick-reference cheese chart. Once upon a time I was a student of engineering, a well informed decision I made based on 18 years of enjoying playing with Lego, not hating math classes and a dream of one day earning money.  That story ended in tears (I realized I'd rather work with travel and politics than numbers and dirt) but i maintained my tendencies of over-analyzing and over-organizing.

The result is the cheese chart, containing the basic traits of all the cheeses I could find, as best as I could find them. I will admit not every box is checked, but in general the important information is there. A note on pasteurization and rennet type: if you are unsure about either and are greatly concerned, find a cheese you can be certain about. That being said cheese that is not labeled in any way as being microbial or vegetarian friendly can be safely assumed to use animal rennet; it is a big enough selling point that most manufacturers will want to make their animal-friendly ways known. As for pasteurization, international cheeses that do not specify "raw milk" "rohmilch" au lait cru" or "leche sin/no pasteurizar"will typically be be pasteurized, especially considering the legal difficulties with importing raw dairy products. As for domestic cheese, the vast majority will be pasteurized, thanks again to the tastebud-impared folks at the USFDA. Those that aren't will be marked but again, although I personally think the only real danger of eating unpasteurized cheese is having your mind blown in a flavor explosion, if you are seriously concerned then stick to the pasteurized stuff. Pasteurization deserves its own post and will get it soon. 
In any case I hope this resources is in some way helpful to those looking for a fresh French goat cheese or an unpasteurized cheddar or what have you, and of course I am always eager to answer cheese queries and help with pairings, platters ideas, and other manifestations of my addiction. The email address in my profile. PS: if you like the blog so much that you want to know when it's updated feel free to "follow" The Functioning Cheese Addict and make your addiction public as well. That link is also hiding on the left. 


Now for the main attraction, the Titan of Tuber Tastiness, the Giant of Goaty Goodness, here all the way from Cypress Grove Chevre in California; Truffle Tremor. Cypress Grove represents what is  truly the pinnacle of domestic goat cheese production, accept no substitutes. Their lineup is consistently incredible and varies from delicate fresh chevre to perfectly surface ripened gems to the best goat Gouda I have yet tried. Truffle Tremor is one of their more adventurous products but if decadent is what you're after then look no further.  

Origin: California, USA
Milk: Goat, pasteurized
Rennet: Full-fledged, no chicken no fish vegetarian.
Affinage: Up to one month
Notes: This particular specimen is on the older side of the surface-ripened cheese hill, as seen in the size of the creamline (or proteolysis), that bit bit between the soft white rind and the paste. Furthermore this cheese is made with black truffles, or tuber aestivum vittadini. Science Rules!
Thoughts: First of all, if that picture is not enough to encourage you to go out and purchase a wedge right away, well there may just be nothing more I can do for you. Even this rather aged variety maintains a soft and fluffy rind, yes this is one of those rinds you should definitely eat, while also showing how the proteolysis is slowly consuming the bone-white paste. Cheese is alive, true story. That process is the cheese naturally aging, as surface-ripened cheeses are apt to do, up until the point that you eat them, offering a lot of control over how sharp, creamy, and acidic you want your cheese experience to be. Truffle Tremor is a delight at any stage, but in this more mature state it truly defines the word decadent. The paste of the cheese is sharp and very rich, taking full advantage of the creamy goat's milk but maintaining a clean feel. Savory without being the least bit earthy, it combines with the milky creamline and the extra kick from the rind to create a flavor that is complex but not muddled. Throughout all of this is the steady umami kick of the truffles is present and adds yet another dimension of flavor, one distinct but so refined that it almost gets lost in the mix, preferring to remain relatively in the background from start to finish. This cheese is the first to go at parties, it is the favorite, it is All-Star Quarterback Johnny Footballplayer, it is Ms. Overachieving Social Butterfly/Homecoming Queen/Yearbook Editor-in-Chief. Buy a wedge, leave it wrapped up but unrefrigerated for about a half an hour on your kitchen counter, cancel your evening plans, and get your baguette on. 


Caution
The USFDA recommends that pregnant and nursing women and anyone with a weakened immune system avoids unpasteurized milk and dairy products. Your health is ultimately more important than trying every cheese out there, and there are lots of good pasteurized cheeses to be had. 
On the other hand, the US Government also recommends avoiding travel to Bosnia, Kosovo, Albania, Serbia, China, and the Caucasus. Really only one way to find out what all the fuss is about.
Just Sayin'