Mariolles, Raw France France Raw Raw France

Named for an abbey deep in the Ardennes forest, surrounded by the mighty trees of Ardennes forest, imbued with the aroma of the Ardennes forest, aged in the shadow of the Ardennes forest, packaged in boxes made with the wood of the Ardennes forest, reminiscent of the flavor of the bark of the Ardennes forest, there is a cheese. 

This cheese has a name. 

That name is Mariolles. 

It is from the Ardennes forest. 

Origin: The Ardennes forest... France

Milk: Cow, unpasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: 3-4 weeks

Notes: Beer washed rind, 45% fat, ripened with herbs and brushed regularly to keep only that good red bacteria growing on the surface. It's got AOC status, too. So there you go. 

Thoughts: Every part of this cheese screams washed rind, from the goey-brie-like paste to the warning-orange-red rind to the savory and meaty flavor. A little sour, a little salty, in fact at first this cheese has a bold almost spicy flavor. For the bold at heart, though, there is a great reward. The rich flavor at the beginning warrants a taste by itself but it quickly drops off and reveals a mellow and intensely savory aftertaste, highlighted by a hint of fruit here and there. Thoroughly delicious and a prime example of why fortune favors the bold.

No hurt... no curd.....

No pain.... no Brillat Savarin?

Also:

You can't actually get the unpasteurized version of this cheese in the US... sorry. 

Camembert et Brie, They've Created a Monster

A delicious, delicious, breaded monster. 

Usually I'm a traditional kind of guy, I'll hold open doors and while wearing wingtips and sneezing into a cloth handkerchief, and it definitely carries over into cheese. For example I don't want Cambozola, I want a wedge of good Gorgonzola Dulce and and some true blue Camembert de Normandie. I was, then, skeptical though intrigued when I came upon the sign for this cheese reading: Camembert et Brie. 

What could it mean? What mysterious quality linked these two cheeses somehow together? What made this disk that dimensionally was in between the two and looked like the result of a DIY deep frying process worthy of these two epic monikers? By the time I had the chance to try it I suddenly stopped caring, though, and got to enjoying this oh-so-nommable delight. 

Origin: Calvados, France

Milk: Cow, unpasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: 2-3 weeks

Notes: It is no normal Camembert and no normal Brie, that is for sure. It is treated briefly with brandy from the Calvados region and then pressed with a spiced breading, and for those of us not familiar Calvados is in fact in Normandie, making this more Camembert than Brie. Kind of. 

Who cares, it's seriously delicious. 

Thoughts: Smells sweet, taste begins milky and builds to a rich mushroomy flavor that lingers on into the aftertaste.  Throughout the bite both sweet and spicy play off one another in a dynamic mix that highlights the nuances of both. The paste is light and smooth as anything, creamier than most Bries more like a firm pudding that immediately melts in the mouth. An incredibly bold presence and complex spicy flavor mixed with a lighter than air texture is to die for. Rich rich rich, like eating a meal is this cheese.

This could spark off a whole brandy/breading of cheeses trend.

This should spark off a whole brandy/breading of cheeses trend.  

Ossau Iraty, That Cheese Is Like Brebis Brebis Brebis Ohhh

Get it? Because brebis is a French word?

In stark contrast to the one hit wonder of evil that today's title alludes to, our cheese is an ancient and thoroughly delicious curd. Ossau Iraty is one of those delectable French sheep's milk cheeses coming out of the Basque region of France and holds the honor of being one of only two French sheep's milk cheeses to have name-controlled status. The other is Roquefort, kind of a big deal.

Origin: Northern Basque Country, France
Milk: Sheep, unpasteurized
Rennet: Animal
Affinage: ~3 months
Notes: Although it's not cheap it is well worth every penny; snack it, cheese plate it, five course meal it.
Thoughts: Ossau Iraty is a lovely cheese in that it manages a great complexity and range of flavors and textures. It does of course predominantly showcase the oily and rich features of sheep's milk and it's region especially, but instead of this being an overpowering affair it is all balanced. The creaminess of this relatively young cheese comes through strong, despite the rather firm texture, and carries with it all of the nuance of the raw milk, grassy and a little meaty. For all of the decadence, and this truly is an indulgently fatty cheese, the aftertaste is surprisingly clean and leaves you wanting more. The French don't just hand out name/area controlled status, and this is a cheese that has clearly earned it.


I hope the mouse w/ flowers gag worked, thank heavens for an internet full of cute animal pictures.

#Cutepictureapology

Extenuating Circumstances, Explanation, Excuse, Etc.
Updates to resume with a Doppelpost on Monday.

Tomme de Savoie, The King of the Tommes

Here's the thing, there's this whole big range of "Tomme" cheeses, with the place of origin usually getting second billing in the title. It leaves very little to the imagination and even less to the amateur blogger attempting to write a witty post title. King of Tommes just barely edged out such bright hopefuls as Sah-vwuaaahhh and... and.... well there you go. It's late and I'm all out of wit. Sorry folks.

Here for you today I present Tomme de Savoie, a French Tomme style cheese from the Savoie region. Produced in relatively small disks for a mountain cheese, it has a gorgeous natural rind and an equally rich paste, so while it's not a particularly rare Tomme it has well earned its fame.

Origin: Savoie, France

Milk: Cow, unpasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: 2-3 months

Notes: 20-40% fat

Thoughts: This cheese warns you at first with it’s intense aroma, and unlike so many French cheeses the flavor is right there with it. The texture begins merely heavy but builds up a rich creaminess that carries the full degree of the stank right on through. The raw characteristics of the cheese dominate in a bold but pleasant bite, fruity and salty hang out in the background and just a bit of tang develops to sting the tongue. Incredibly savory with the full flavor of the cow’s milk coming to bear, it is both complex and bold, I’m a fan.

Epic Meal Time may have bacon money, but I'm getting cheese money. 

More hater curds for more cheesy nerds.  

Livarot, "The Colonel"

As it turns out some of France's reputation for stinky cheese is...... warranted. In fact fully warranted to the point of shocking even someone with a liking for stinky cheese such as myself. Today we will boldly go where few Americans dare, we will turn our backs on the safety of cheddar and "mexican four cheese blend", we will dive into the belly of the washed-rind beast and we shall triumph!!

In that we'll have eaten cheese, I guess, I kinda lost track of that one.

Hailing from the Normandie region of France, Livarot boasts a number of rather frightening sensory characteristics. First there's the color, because anything that orange is a pretty fair warning sign, the little white bits of mold speckling the rind, and finally (or rather first and foremost) the smell. Oh baby does it smell. 

Origin: Normandie, France

Milk: Cow, unpasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: 5-8 weeks

Notes: You got yer briney washed rind. You got yer rush leaf wrapping. You got yer 45% fat content. Mhm ah yeah. 

Thoughts: Everything about this cheese is scary. The glowing orange rind covered in tiny dots of white mold, the firm paste with irregular eyes with an aroma that would make Pepe le Pew recoil, it’s little wonder people in the states aren’t begging for it to be imported en masse. A chewy paste, unusual for wahed rind cheeses, and after all that buildup there is actually very little to be afraid about. An earthy, meaty, salty, and mushroomy paste with the occasional crunch washes over the tastebuds thanks to the rich creaminess and is on the whole very mild, leaving an almost neutral aftertaste. Were it a cheddar it would not even be described as sharp, and though the flavors are never intense it does not feel muted, rather the full presence of the cheese is simply very restrained. The rind is a slightly different story, as the crunchy and salty initial tones build to a respectably spicy aftertaste

Sorry folks, this one could be a little tough to find in the USA, unpasteurized as it is. Remember, just because it looks and smells like Livarot does not mean you're getting the real deal. Demand more from your stinky cheese! 

Oh, and the nickname of this cheese is The Colonel thanks to its resemblance, wrapped up in three bands of rush leaves, to a uniform. I'm not just making everything up all the time, you know.  

 

Ubriaco al Prosecco, Want Some Cheese With That Wine??

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha.
Well that's all for today. Just the title.

What's that you say? I'm days behind in posting and you want a legitimate post with something cheese related and not just bad wordplay?
Fine.

As the dedicated reader of the Functioning Cheese Addict will already know, the world of cheese is full of alcohol-infused curds and this blogger is all about reviewing them. Some time ago I reviewed an Italian delight called Ubriacone, and today we have a similar and yet totally different offering. Although the first part of the name still refers to the drunken nature (see the linked post for a short but practical lesson in Italian), the differentiating factor is also right there in the title. Unlike the usual red wine cheeses, this little guy calls on the power of prosecco. What you get is Ubriaco al Prosecco and, just like that really friendly guy sitting next to you on the bus, it may have had one too many. [Insert cheese affinage-age related alcohol joke here] 

Origin: Italy
Milk: Cow, unpasteurized
Rennet: Animal
Affinage: Less than one year
Notes: Immersed in Prosecco wine and then covered in prosecco grape must. This cheese likes wine like it's water and the well's running dry.
Thoughts: This unassuming-looking cheese is a surprise in many ways. Much softer than it looks, it has the casein crunch of an aged cheese. The real kick, though, is in the flavor. The aroma gives a hint of the experience to come, but even it cannot warn of the wine assault that follows Truly this is not a grape-y cheese like Ubriacone, this is a drunk cheese. The flavor hits your mouth even where the cheese does not and bites at your tongue, stings the nostrils, and lingers with the flavor of raw and white wine mixing angrily together. Yes it is an angry mix of flavors, but angry like a thunderstorm; it all comes together in a perfect cacophony of notes and if it fell from the sky and hit you it'd probably be curtains. That's life, though.



If all my friends and family are right and cheese is what finally gets the better of me, it had sure as shooting better be like that. None of this LDL nonsense, what you know about a clean bill of health?

Delice du Jura, The Cheese-Packager's Worst Nightmare

When one is walking in a room full of cheese, one expects a certain.... cheesy aroma. This is normal even in a refrigerated room, and yet one table is always impossible to mistake: the French table. Even though our domestic and pasteurized imported versions of Brie or goat cheese lack the depth of aroma of their European counterparts, still the French have a few tricks up their sleeves. Cheeses such as Epoisses or Munster come to mind, and included in this elite entourage of essences is today's Delice du Jura. 

Today's title is not, however, a reference to the smell that is sure to be deposited on your hands for days after handling the cheese, but rather the consistency. Parceling this cheese up to sell is kind of like trying to package soup in plastic wrap. Smelly, smelly, delicious soup. 

Origin: France

Milk: Cow, pasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: Two weeks at the most

Notes: This is the cheese people are talking about when they say they're afraid of stinky cheese. It's like the cheese boogeyman hiding the the closet of curds. BBrrrrrrrr.

Thoughts: This washed rind cheese is perhaps the most runny and unmanageable cheese I have ever encountered. The aroma is instantly pungent and harsh, even chilled, and the paste is more soupy than solid. Creamier than most any other cheese, the flavor is actually rather mild and not as meaty as some other washed rind cheeses but gets carried away in the intense milkiness. The aftertaste is mostly that of the pungent aroma and all in all the cheese is a lot of trouble to ship, store, and eat. That being said, it is a divine a flavor for those looking for a real stinker and will push the envelope for even the most confident cheese taster. The reward, though nearly balanced by the off-putting smell, is considerable once you taste it, so I would label it a cautious "expert level cheese" and recommend it accordingly. 

For all of those who missed it.

"Bbbrrrrr" is the sound of shivers going down your spine.   

Caciotta al Tartufo, Welcome to Truffle Cheese

A brief admission, if I may:
This is not the best truffle cheese. It is also not the worst. Why do I introduce the magical world of truffle-infused cheeses to you with a picture of mediocrity? Why does one wait until after the first bite to add salt and pepper to a dish? So that he or she may appreciate the seasoning the more for it.
Cheese and life lessons, it's pretty much an all-purpose blog.
Back in the realm of things you actually clicked here today to read, allow me to finally give to you Caciotta al Tartufo, the first in a series of truffle cheeses. Truffle, to those fortunate enough to have come across it, is a tuber of almost other-worldly flavor-imparting powers. It's like Peter Parker's radioactive spider, except if Spiderman was a cheese, and the spider was a umami-packed plant, and the plot involved Spiderman going really well with medium to bold red wines. Produced, as the name would suggest, in Italy, Caciotta al Tartufo curds are mixed with Umbrian black truffle shavings to create an enticing looking paste and a decent, if perhaps not incredible, flavor.

Origin: Italy
Milk: Cow and sheep, pasteurized
Rennet: Animal
Affinage: ~2 months
Notes: The quality of the truffles used is going to play a huge role in the end product and, unfortunately, Caciotta al Tartufo didn't get the prime cuts.
Thoughts: So you go tossing around a name like "al Tartufo" and people are going to get excited. One would hope that anything "al Tartufo" would be a delight. Burger al tartufo: yes please. Ice cream al tartufo: sign me up. Chocolate milkshake al tartufo: Mercy. Burrito al tartufo: Challenge accepted.
Cheese would also fall into the category of "yes please and thank you", but not all that glitters is worth eating. On the whole this cheese, while certainly good, leaves something to be desired. It is a mixed milk cheese, but it lacks a strong showing from either category. Notably absent is the oily richness that can make sheep cheese so desirable, the same with a strong or worthy creaminess from the cow's milk. The truffle flavor, while present, fails to live up to the grandeur typically associated with everyone's favorite tuber. That isn't to say it's not a tasty bite, but for true truffle titillation one must track the tuber's true.... true........ dangit. You've got to look farther.



Bob Dylan, man....
Bob Dylan. 

Red Dragon, Now Without Hannibal Lecter

Get it? Like the movie? Oh the humor.
Just like the dark hero/villain of everyone's favorite serial killer series, today's cheese is both sophisticated and stylish while still being fiery and ruthless. Ok, maybe ruthless is pushing the boundaries of acceptable adjectives for food stuffs, but bear with me and you'll see just what I'm talking about.
Red Dragon is, in this humble blogger's eyes, one of the more delicious cheeses to come out of Her Majesty's pastures. I have before decried the evils of adding blah extras to blah cheese and ending up with a blah product, but today's addition passed the delicious exam. A tough exam at that.

Origin: England
Milk: Cow, pastuerized
Rennet: Vegetable
Affinage: 3-5 months
Notes: The proverbial fire behind the proverbially red dragon's proverbial breath here is a potent cocktail of brown ale and whole mustard seed. For those of you keeping track at home that makes the score delicious.
Thoughts: In appearance it might resemble Leyden of posts past, but do not be deceived like so many greenhorns on the pilgrimage to cheese paradise. It's flavor profile, surprisingly unhindered in texture by the whole mustard seeds, is full, bold, and unashamedly English. The mustard seed definitely takes the lead role here, providing a steady and complex heat throughout, but the ale makes its own cameos here and there, poking through as it were to make its meaty and sweet voice heard. A subtle moistness in the paste begs to be cut into small slices and savored, and indeed even a small piece of this cheese will carry all of the delectable flavor. The cheese itself, unquestionably the shy flavor of the group, is however present in the creaminess and ever-present base upon which the others build their house. Flavor house. You know the one.


Take heart fellow seekers of the killer curds!
Things here at Functioning Cheese Addict have been taking a relative back seat to classes and life's other slings and arrows but as the dust begins to settle I bring tiding of great cheese. Soon I will once again be gainfully employed in the great cheese hall of Longmont Cheese Importers in Colorado, so I might just start posting cheeses you can actually find in the US again. 

PS If you're reading this from across the sea and the novelty of being able to find European cheeses strikes you as old hat, just pause and be thankful for your geographic good fortune. Eat some real French Brie for your brethren here in the USA, suffering as it were under the yoke of USFDA pasteurization laws.