Shropshire Blue, or Blue Stuart, or Inverness-Shire Blue, or, or, or

How about that? How about that classy-as-all-whatnow photo. You got your flower pottery. You got your baguette in the blurry background. It's like we're siting in a tuscan village or something. Except the bowl is from Poland. And the baguette was baked here in Munich. Also the cheese is English. Well.

So there you are sitting at your EU Summit table in Brussels, debating the terms of the exit of the UK or the entry of Turkey, and what is this magical food stuff before you? Is it a blue cheese? It certainly looks that way. Is it a cheddar? Well.... it is yellow. It is, of course, Shropshire Blue! Always known as Blue Stuart. Aka Inverness-Shire Blue. Feat. Flavor-Flavor.

Origin: Leicstershire, England
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Affinage:  3-4mo

Notes: Vegetarian rennet! Juhu! Vegetarians rejoice.

Thoughts: Whoo-boy. This. This is a blue cheese. Don't let the yellow fool you. If you close your eyes, all you will taste is Stilton. This particular example has been aged long enough for the veining to riddle its way right through the paste, taking no prisoners. Long since gone and forgotten are the savory and sweet notes of the original cheese, all that remains is minerality and fire and pepper. It's a dry cheese, like the desert is a dry heat. It's a lovely cheese, and one that always has a place on our English Cheese boards.


If and when things do go south with this whole 'will they/won't they' Brexit dramedy, we all know that the real victims will be the cheese producers and cheese lovers. Stock up now. 

Keens Traditional Unpasteurized Cheddar, A Story of England

Great News! 

My last encounter with West Country Farmhouse Cheddar left me feeling a little over-sold and underwhelmed. This was likely no one’s fault but my own, buying as I did such a cheddar wrapped in black wax and shipped over an ocean. Today’s cheese, however, is really turning the page on cheddar in general and West Country Farmhouse Cheddar in specific. I’m not sure anyone anywhere was really waiting for this particular reputation to be redeemed, but here we go anyways. 

Keens Traditional Unpasteurized Cheddar. Wouldn’t you know it? It is all of those things. Let me take you on a journey now, to a magical land. The sound of the subway, the glare of the florescent lights, the smell of coffee on that guy’s breath, it’s all fading away. In its place is a world of hedgerow-lined roads barely wide enough for one car, thatch-roofed pubs promising ‘good food and real ale’, and a lot of people calling me ‘boss’. Yes, England. I honestly did not know what to expect from this quick weekend trip, my first to England. A friend’s wedding meant seeing some familiar faces and a rental car meant getting to explore south-west England on the day before the wedding. This day was full of surprises. Not only did I not get into an accident from driving, but the weather was gorgeous and the food was delicious. We set off after breakfast for a day of sightseeing and cheese, full of bacon and beans and egg and fried bread. It could only be a good day. Like any responsible cheese traveler I’d done my homework and found out, to my great delight, that the wedding and reception (and our overnight stay) were pretty close to Cheddar country in England. West Country Farmhouse Cheddar, as you might remember, can only be made in a few counties in England. Fortuntately, the website of the group that maintains this tradition is very informative and gave me an address at which to buy some of this famed curd. 

One visit to a large stony tourist attraction later, we piled out of our rental car in the small parking lot of a farm. I had somehow thought there would be a place sit and get some lunch, maybe tour the dairy, but what we found was better. Doing the classic “we don’t know where we’re going, we are not from around here’ walk, we made our way up to what looked like main buildings. As far as we could tell, the only person around was a fellow smoking a cigarette, seemingly on break from doing some maintenance. Graciously he opened up the dialogue with a knowing ‘you all looking to buy some cheese?’. Yes. Yes we are. This kind man led us to a fridge, industrial in size and build, inside of which we found a beautiful collection of cheese and butter from the farm. Thinking better of buying a whole wheel of cheese (we’re not made of money after all), we bought a half wheel. More precisely, our friends bought us a half wheel of cheddar. You should keep the kinds of friends who buy you cheese. 

OK, enough story time. You’re here for the cheese. Keen’s Cheddar is true farmhouse operation, meaning they have their own herd, grazing solely on their own land. Land which also houses the cheese making operation. This means, as their website proudly states, that they don’t ever have to transport the milk more than 50 yards, that the cheesemaking process begins within 12 hours of milking, and that the unpasteurized milk they use is about as close to the freshness of that English hillside as you can get. They have a herd of 250 Friesian cows, and the entire cheese making process, from stirring and cutting the curd to cheddaring to flipping the wheels while aging is done by hand.  

Origin: Somerset, England

Milk: Unpasteurized cows milk cheese

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: Between 12 and 18 months

Ah England, where it is always this sunny

Notes: An unassuming little wheel of cheese. The half wheel we got had a lightly textured rind with the pleasant grays and tans of a natural rind. From appearances it is not quite like other cheddars I’ve had, neither the clear calcium crystals of the more aged cheddars nor the rubbery texture of lesser cheddars. Smells like a raw milk cheese, a promising straw-white colo(u?)r and hints of the kind of strata that you get in an extra aged Gouda. 

Thoughts: That it is a raw milk cheese is apparent from the first, indeed this cheese is almost tart as it first hits the tongue, the acidity of the milk never having been blasted away or blended out on a commercial scale. It’s also chewy, almost in the way that cheese curds or Halloumi are chewy. At first I was afraid the cheddar was going to be too dry, lacking in that satisfying fatty rush usually associated with whole milk cow cheeses. Nor is there the usual glut of salt, a hallmark of most cheddars. To be honest, I actually look forward to this combination when I get a good cheddar, or even a bad cheddar, because salt and fat pretty much sell themselves as a flavor combination. That said, Keens Cheddar does not disappoint so much as it proudly stands for what it is, a Cheddar in a class of its own. All of the textural and flavor notes change moments after the first bite, washing the palate in a complex richness. This stands out in comparison to other cheddars, other very good cheddars, in that the tasting notes are recognizably cheddar but unlike anything I’ve had before. Perhaps this is the Westcountry Farmhouse Cheddar difference? For example, there is no horesradish in this cheese, and yet just before the wave of rich nutty sweetness hits you get a tickling of the tip of the tongue of just that; horseradish. This is also the most notable flavor in the aftertaste, which is delightful. 

Week 2 of the relaunch! This is a 100% improvement on my previous streak in the past 6 years. Going to go eat some celebratory cheese. 

Ford Farm West Country Farmhouse Cheddar, tl:dr

That's "too long, didn't read" in internet-speak, just so's you know. This is the internet, after all.

As is so often the case, great pomp and circumstance comes with a name of that length (also it's English, they love them some pomp. Don't mind the circumstance, either). This is, according to the world body that governs cheese, UNCO, the original Cheddar. Perhaps not this particular brand, but this designation; West Country Farmhouse Cheddar.

Want to call your cheddar a West Country Farmhouse? Tough. You don't even live in England, do you? Well, maybe you do, but chances are you don't live in the particular bit of south-west England where, according to English Law, this Cheddar has to be made. You see, the French aren't the only ones who got wise to putting legal protection on cheese names. Only difference here is that, as is all too obvious with the proliferation of hack-rate cheddars the world over, only Roqeufort can be called Roquefort. Any old cheese can be called cheddar, which is where this West Country Farmhouse moniker comes into play. Want to have the baddest bragging rights in all of the Cheddar world? ("Yes!", cried the assembled masses), better move to England.
All joking aside this is a legendary cheese, but the caseophile must always be wary. No amount of hype can substitute for the old "try it and see for yourself" method.

Origin: England
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Rennet: Vegetarian
Affinage: 12 months (alternatively one year, if they're feeling crazy)
Notes: Comes wrapped in an imposing black wax. Kind of a red flag, to be honest. It is also a handmade cheese, by order of law, and is made on the farm where the cows are milked (hence Farmhouse), also by order of law.
Thoughts: Surprisingly moist, one almost expects to taste the port or whiskey of the infused cheddars based on the soft texture of this cheese. Also odd considering it's age. The strong creaminess compliments the mild start of the flavor and the dry tang that develops towards the end. While this is certainly a tasty cheddar I've got to be honest, I need a second opinion. And by opinion I mean taste, a second brand. If I were to judge my entire West Country experience solely off of this one cheddar... well it's certainly not the best cheddar I've had. In fact I've had better Cheddars from Ireland. The USA even. Maybe the US will grant name controlled status to Beecher's Flagship one day. I doubt it, but the problem there is with the Man, not the cheese.


Big, dumb Man


Also, there is no UNCO. Only in my imagination.

Red Dragon, Now Without Hannibal Lecter

Get it? Like the movie? Oh the humor.
Just like the dark hero/villain of everyone's favorite serial killer series, today's cheese is both sophisticated and stylish while still being fiery and ruthless. Ok, maybe ruthless is pushing the boundaries of acceptable adjectives for food stuffs, but bear with me and you'll see just what I'm talking about.
Red Dragon is, in this humble blogger's eyes, one of the more delicious cheeses to come out of Her Majesty's pastures. I have before decried the evils of adding blah extras to blah cheese and ending up with a blah product, but today's addition passed the delicious exam. A tough exam at that.

Origin: England
Milk: Cow, pastuerized
Rennet: Vegetable
Affinage: 3-5 months
Notes: The proverbial fire behind the proverbially red dragon's proverbial breath here is a potent cocktail of brown ale and whole mustard seed. For those of you keeping track at home that makes the score delicious.
Thoughts: In appearance it might resemble Leyden of posts past, but do not be deceived like so many greenhorns on the pilgrimage to cheese paradise. It's flavor profile, surprisingly unhindered in texture by the whole mustard seeds, is full, bold, and unashamedly English. The mustard seed definitely takes the lead role here, providing a steady and complex heat throughout, but the ale makes its own cameos here and there, poking through as it were to make its meaty and sweet voice heard. A subtle moistness in the paste begs to be cut into small slices and savored, and indeed even a small piece of this cheese will carry all of the delectable flavor. The cheese itself, unquestionably the shy flavor of the group, is however present in the creaminess and ever-present base upon which the others build their house. Flavor house. You know the one.


Take heart fellow seekers of the killer curds!
Things here at Functioning Cheese Addict have been taking a relative back seat to classes and life's other slings and arrows but as the dust begins to settle I bring tiding of great cheese. Soon I will once again be gainfully employed in the great cheese hall of Longmont Cheese Importers in Colorado, so I might just start posting cheeses you can actually find in the US again. 

PS If you're reading this from across the sea and the novelty of being able to find European cheeses strikes you as old hat, just pause and be thankful for your geographic good fortune. Eat some real French Brie for your brethren here in the USA, suffering as it were under the yoke of USFDA pasteurization laws. 

Ilchester Stilton, Not Created Equally

I have a confession to make. There was a time, somewhere before my transition to full blown addict, when I just bought cheeses at random and tried them with little to no regard for where they came from. They were dark days.
They were actually pretty decent days and that practice led me to begin this great cheese adventure so I can't knock it too hard, still though today's cheese is an example of the pitfalls that such a reckless lifestyle leads to. Stilton is the king of English cheeses, some would say the King of all Blue cheeses, but while it is a name controlled cheese there are good Stiltons and there are 'meh' Stiltons. I bought a meh. Here it is, Ilchester Stilton.

Origin: England
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Rennet: Not sure, but almost certainly vegetarian
Affinage: A few months
Notes: Penicillium Roqueforti is again at work here, this time injected into the wheels with huge stainless steel needles. Positively barbaric, really.
Thoughts: Full flavored and complex without being harsh at all, it shows a marked minerality but stops short of an unpleasant saltiness. A very bold creaminess features prominently and the texture varies noticeably with the rich and thorough veining. This is not a bad cheese. This might even be a very good cheese. But Stilton should be more, it should be life-changing, it should bring tears to a grown man's eyes and instill fear into the eyes of the unbelieving. A review of a proper Stilton is to come, though I've tired quite a few I never thought to buy them and bring them home to document, it is after all not a cheap curd. Even this example is certainly worth it though and will add sophistication to any cheese plate, enjoy it with a glass of port or just a bit of crusty bread and some hearty dried meat.


Caution
Be prepared to either sacrifice other expensive hobbies for the pursuit of cheese or to start working another job, it can get pretty dear. 

Sage Derby, Or As I Was Saying

Right, so I went on for a little while in the last post about the evils of sub-par or forgettable cheeses with some infused flavor passing off as worthwhile standalone cheeses. Same story, different day. Again, today's cheese isn't even necessarily bad, it will add color to the plate, it will attract attention, it will peak interest, but novelty factor alone does not earn one a place in the Favorite Club. 
Originally made just around Christmas time, Sage Derby is one of the older infusion cheeses to come from England, where the digestive properties and festive look of the green sage made it a hit on holiday tables. Plain derby is not as commonly found outside England, which works fine with me as it's effectively just a younger, milder, buttery-er cheddar.... and who among us wasn't thinking "gee this mild cheddar is just too sharp, it sure could use a little less flavor and a slightly heavier presence on the palate."
Apparently I'm biased, go figure. Macerated sage leaves, sage leaf essence, green food coloring, or a mixture of these are used to create either a uniformly green paste such as the one pictured below or a more marbled look similar to the Porter Cheddar but in light green. Adding color and things to a forgettable cheese is like adding racing decals, spoilers, and louder exhausts to beater cars.... if you start with rubbish you're going to end with rubbish.

Origin: England
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Rennet: Vegetable
Affinage: 3-4 months
Notes: I come across as pretty one-sided when it comes to English cheese, but there are some seriously incredible creations to be found. There's also a lot that's just not worth buying twice.
Thoughts: The sage flavor in this cheese, grassy and tingly as if a little minty, overpowers any flavor the Derby might have had, though we'll never know now. The creaminess and the texture of the cheese do come through, though all they really convey is the novelty flavor and no real depth or character of flavor. All this being said it's a huge hit among those looking for a new snacking cheese as well as small children. The issue I take here is that there are so many cheeses, mostly sheep's milk cheeses but also from cow and definitely from goat's milk, that have a natural grassy and green flavor to them with all the depth and character you could want, just as a result of being carefully and traditionally made from top quality milk. Just saying.



Caution
Dear UK readers; I'd love to sit down and share in some Port and Stilton with you as we discuss the virtues of your cheeses, for there are many. Please don't be cross, I don't spare other countries when they make bad cheeses either. The USA especially.

Billie's Goat Cheddar, Another Too-Cute Goat Cheese

England is mostly known for its heavy cow cheeses, mixed perhaps with spices or onion or some sort of alcohol, and while this can be very good it also gets a little... a little too monotonous for me. Enter Ford Farm, the folks who brought us the Coastal Cheddar of a couple weeks ago, and today a nice departure from the bovine; their goat's milk Billie's Goat Cheddar.
Made with the same quality control measures and attention to classic English cheddaring technique as their more traditional offerings, this goat cheddar is refreshing and, though young and thus mild, very tasty indeed.

Origin: England
Milk: Goat, pasteurized
Rennet: Vegetable
Affinage: 2-5 months
Notes: Website advertises a mild, mellow, and smooth flavor derived from 100% pure goat's milk. Good thing they fished those twigs, leaves, and other impurities out of the milk before making cheese. I wonder if they sometimes get a little laugh by slipping some cow milk in there and pulling a fast one over on us customers thinking we're purchasing a goat's milk cheese when the name is Billie's Goat Cheddar. 

Thoughts: Although the flavor is certainly more mild than I usually go for in goat cheeses, this cheddar displays some of the complexity possible in a goat cheese. At first a little meaty, the creaminess of this relatively soft cheese comes in midway through the bite and leaves in its wake the delightful sweetness of goat’s milk. A very un-goaty goat cheese that leaves more of the sweet on the palate than the savory, it certainly is smooth, mild, and mellow. Once could go much worse in purchasing mild-aged goat cheeses, Billie's Goat is an example of mild done right. With some fig jam or a fruity red wine it's truly a delight. 

Caution

I do not actually think the professionals at Ford Farm are in the business of hoodwinking, bamboozling, or hornswoggling their customers, I just find the proud profession that their goat's milk cheese is made with none other than goat's milk to be kind of like bottled water having an ingredients list.   

Ford Farm Coastal Cheddar, Truly Top Drawer

If you are reading this blog in US, then today's cheese has made a longer-than-usual trip to make it to your plate. If you are reading this blog from somewhere other than the US (or the UK), then you probably don't care much for cheddar anyhow. Still Ford Farm Coastal Cheddar is an absolute pleasure for anyone who loves a good cheddar, and it shall not be the last of its kind that I review. Cheddar may not have the sophisticated reputation nor the delicate charm of its friends on mainland Europe, but at its best it is truly stunning.

Origin: Dorset, England
Milk: Cow, pasteurized
Rennet: Vegetarian
Affinage: Up to 15 months, at least a year
Notes: Bad news to my American cheddar-loving friends (I don't know how many times I've asked what kind of cheese someone likes and have heard "well, cheddar's good" in response. What do you like to drink? "well, water's good." Sorry, this is way too long for a parenthetical statement), but we didn't invent Cheddar. That one goes to the proud folks of Her Majesty's 130,000 square kilometers. Don't sweat it, though, we'll always have the moon landing. And Bob Dylan.
Thoughts: Call me a romantic, but I swear you can taste the ocean in this cheese. This is no weak tidal-pool-at-Six-Flags, however, this is the true fury of God's great Atlantic bullying its way into the Channel and pounding on the chalk cliffs. From the very beginning a crazy, full, creamy flavor takes you by storm, the kind of sharp cheddar that is complex and bold instead of just one-dimensionally sharp. A lot of folks will come in to the store asking for our "sharpest cheddar," and while that is one way to go about it, I would suggest it is not how you will find the best cheddar. This cheddar has a dark and earthy intensity to it, balanced with equally strong nutty and savory (and yes "sharp") notes. The texture is relatively dry, but this is by no means a bad thing. It still has the creaminess necessary to carry the flavor and the long aging process means it has developed the small pockets of crystalized calcium that give aged cheeses that heavenly crunch. It is not my favorite cheddar, but it is certainly a contender and something worth searching out in the USA. Coastal Cheddar and a hearty beer (or root beer, but only a hearty one) is one of the most satisfying comfort pre-or-post meal combinations I know. Caution The popularity of cheddar in the English-speaking world means that there are a near-infinite number of poor examples for every worthy one. Here's what you should know:  Cheddar is originally a white cheese, that yellow stuff is not necessarily any better nor any worse, it just has food coloring added to it. A lot of processed cheeses will masquerade as cheddar, have nothing to do with them! Cheddaring, the process that creates cheddar cheeses, can be used to make good and bad cheeses, either educate yourself and buy a variety or ask the stout yeoman behind the counter for help.