Livarot, "The Colonel"

As it turns out some of France's reputation for stinky cheese is...... warranted. In fact fully warranted to the point of shocking even someone with a liking for stinky cheese such as myself. Today we will boldly go where few Americans dare, we will turn our backs on the safety of cheddar and "mexican four cheese blend", we will dive into the belly of the washed-rind beast and we shall triumph!!

In that we'll have eaten cheese, I guess, I kinda lost track of that one.

Hailing from the Normandie region of France, Livarot boasts a number of rather frightening sensory characteristics. First there's the color, because anything that orange is a pretty fair warning sign, the little white bits of mold speckling the rind, and finally (or rather first and foremost) the smell. Oh baby does it smell. 

Origin: Normandie, France

Milk: Cow, unpasteurized

Rennet: Animal

Affinage: 5-8 weeks

Notes: You got yer briney washed rind. You got yer rush leaf wrapping. You got yer 45% fat content. Mhm ah yeah. 

Thoughts: Everything about this cheese is scary. The glowing orange rind covered in tiny dots of white mold, the firm paste with irregular eyes with an aroma that would make Pepe le Pew recoil, it’s little wonder people in the states aren’t begging for it to be imported en masse. A chewy paste, unusual for wahed rind cheeses, and after all that buildup there is actually very little to be afraid about. An earthy, meaty, salty, and mushroomy paste with the occasional crunch washes over the tastebuds thanks to the rich creaminess and is on the whole very mild, leaving an almost neutral aftertaste. Were it a cheddar it would not even be described as sharp, and though the flavors are never intense it does not feel muted, rather the full presence of the cheese is simply very restrained. The rind is a slightly different story, as the crunchy and salty initial tones build to a respectably spicy aftertaste

Sorry folks, this one could be a little tough to find in the USA, unpasteurized as it is. Remember, just because it looks and smells like Livarot does not mean you're getting the real deal. Demand more from your stinky cheese! 

Oh, and the nickname of this cheese is The Colonel thanks to its resemblance, wrapped up in three bands of rush leaves, to a uniform. I'm not just making everything up all the time, you know.